After making a difficult decision (that I knew was the right one to make), I am still struggling with my current reality. A few short months ago, I was ecstatic that I accepted my first job in the fashion industry.” I was working on what I thought to be a strong female led team and doing something I am passionate about – sounds like a dream job, right?
When I started in October, I had about three actual days of training before I was on my own, there was someone quitting and after she left about a week and a half later someone new was starting so I was needless to say, forgotten about. I told my trainer that I felt I was not ready and my training was put on the backburner and she apologized and said I was doing great. So, I just continued what I was doing, trying to teach myself the job and keep moving forward.
After the holidays, I was pulled into a meeting where my boss and trainer basically tore me apart because I was not doing well, and making a “ton” of mistakes. When I asked what they were they were very general and they could never show me actual mistakes. I was totally caught off guard and bawling, because two people I respected were now yelling at me and calling me careless.
After this conversation, it became a weekly occurrence “Lauren come to my office” “You are making way to many mistakes” “you are so careless” “it’s worthless having you here” – Those were just a few phrases that were repeated and really hurt me, because I did care, but no one was telling me what I was doing wrong or showing me how to fix it. This is when I had to start going to therapy because the thoughts of “maybe I am careless, and I really am worthless” were taking over my mind.
Every day I dreaded going into work, knowing I would be pulled in and told the same things, finally they were able to show me the mistakes I made – that were typos and word mix ups on rough drafts. Yes they were mistakes, and yes I know I am not perfect and will always make mistakes but to be torn down like I was over something so small has destroyed me. So, I decided it was time to leave.
I walked in to give my resignation letter, and I wanted to speak to my boss to see if she would apologize and maybe it would all be good/resolved and I wouldn’t have to leave. Needless to say that is not at ALL how it went, and what was said in that meeting are things I can not even bring myself to repeat because they were just down right horrible. – This had 100% shown me that there is no fixing this and I needed to be done, right then.
*A Few Decades Later..* (you better have read that in the spongebob voice)
Here I am Sunday morning, a few days after I quit my job. I have experienced a whirlwind of emotions: sadness, happiness, gratitude, and fear. I will admit I have struggled a bit, blaming myself for not trying to “be better.” I have to remind myself there was nothing else I could do, and I did not deserve to be treated that way. I am very excited for this new chapter, but also terrified that history may repeat itself. I want to end my thoughts on a positive note, followed by advice. If this experience has taught me anything, it is to always stand up for yourself and know when to remove yourself from a toxic environment. These actions are of course easier said than done, as it is still a work in progress to follow my own advice; however, we can continue to grow together to better ourselves.
Much Love, Lauren